I don't really publicize this site anywhere. I'm not too concerned about how many people read these words. At this point I'm writing primarily for my own benefit and trusting that if anyone is going to find something worthwhile in these postings that they will find this site somehow. It's been linked to a few times and I appreciate all the traffic that has generated, but I wouldn't mind writing even when it's just for my own benefit.

So, a lot of the traffic that comes to this site comes via random searches, and one of the greatest pleasures of having a blog is seeing the search terms that brought someone to your site. I presume most people know this, but I'm sure there are a few who don't, so here's what I'm talking about. If you're searching for a site on, say, preserving peaches and you type peach preserving into Google, you'll get a bunch of sites. Once you click on one of those sites, that site will now know what search terms you used to get to that site. And with most blogging software you can see a list of those terms that people used to find your site. And I was very pleased to find that someone recently found this site by typing lose weight by masturbating into Google.

Now, that's not a topic I've ever broached, per se, but I've definitely used those words individually a few times. Anyway, it made me curious. I began to wonder just how many calories one does burn by masturbating. Sadly, this information is tantalizingly elusive. There are many references to it online but there didn't seem to be much science behind them and there is a large range from 50 calories to 300 calories (for a "vigorous" session). It's difficult to quantify because, of course, different people of different sizes will burn different amounts of calories doing any activity. And some people will F themselves in a couple minutes while others like to wine and dine themselves over the course of an evening.

There is a very handy site out there for figuring out how many calories you burn for any given activity. It's called, understandably enough, Calories Per Hour, and it can estimate the number of calories you would burn for hundreds of activities. Unfortunately it doesn't have masturbating on it. However, I thought maybe we could use some similar activities that it does have as estimates for masturbation. Now, everyone has a different style and is built differently but the activities I chose to substitute for masturbation are:

For Men: Playing the trombone
For Women: Waxing a car or boat

Using those activities as estimates, I've determined that a 250 pound man, or 180 pound woman will burn approximately 7 calories per minute they masturbate. Obviously, that's not to say that the average man and woman will burn the same amount of calories over the course of a year from this activity. There is a lot more trombone playing going on than boat waxing, I would venture to guess. When I was 16, there were times when I would play the trombone 6 times in a day. I was a regular Tommy Dorsey. That's all any guy does at that age. I'm sure if you go to a male juvenile detention center at night it sounds like a Sousa march.

Here's a simple chart to allow you to know how long you have to masturbate to burn off the snack you're considering eating:

Snack --- (Minutes)
Apple --- (10 minutes)
Doughnut --- (33 minutes)
McDonald's cheeseburger --- (47 minutes)
Outback Steakhouse Cheesefries with Ranch Dressing --- (4 hours, 54 minutes)

However, remember to consult your doctor (or maybe a sexy nurse) before starting this or any exercise plan.